Deb Sofield

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Social Grace

The Emotion of Greed

This is the last part in my series on Emotions That Are Causing You Great Harm, and I am going to finish with one emotion that is as dangerous as the one I started with. If you will remember, that was anger, because anger is a cancer to your soul and does great damage to others. So I want to talk about one more emotion that can wreck your life and that is greed. And that’s my theme for today. Let me do a quick rundown on the emotions I’ve spoken about in this series. If you want to learn […]

Don’t Hold on to Grudges

I have been thinking about a few clients that I work with, and have come to realize that there is one thing that seems to hold many of them back from being amazing rock star speakers. That one thing is an old hurt from someone in their past who is now irrelevant and who basically told them they were awful speakers and to keep quiet. Now I don’t know what the teacher or another adult actually said, but to a young person, what they heard was, “Don’t open your mouth again.” And here we are years later, and the idea […]

Clutter is wrecking your self-worth

I have written about the issue of clutter in our lives a few times, but I keep coming back to it because I find, over and over, that there just might be that one thing that you’re holding on to that is actually holding you back from achieving what you want in your life. When I talk about clutter, I don’t just mean that you need to clean out the attic or garage (although those are good places to start). For a bigger life impact, you might want to consider tossing out a few things that are more personal to […]

The Emotion of Frustration

I am continuing with my series on emotions. I started the series with the emotion of anger because anger is a cancer to your soul. So, to have any chance for a successful and happy life, friend, you have to let it go. Then I talked about the pain of personal shame. Shame is a Failure to Meet Your Own Standard of Behavior, and this emotion will wreck your life if you’re not careful. And I added in the thought that you should stop thinking that others have to accept your forgiveness for you to be forgiven. They don’t. Once […]

Live in such a way that if anyone should speak badly of you no one would believe it

My friends send me email jokes and cartoons all the time; in fact I had a few friends I had to ask to put me on the weekly list and not the daily emails. I have no idea what they do all day that allows them to surf the web and send their network 20-30 jokes and stories all day-but good for them. A while back I get this one and I liked it…it said, Live in such a way that if anyone should speak badly of you no one would believe it. Wouldn’t that be great? What if you […]

Set Your Life on Fire

Because of my being a speaker, I have the opportunity to travel around the world teaching public speaking, presentation and media skills to elected officials or those who would like to be. When I was speaking in the Middle East a while back, I was training some dynamic up-and-coming young women who were seeking a seat on their local council and one day at lunch I noticed that one of the ladies was reading a book of poetry by Rumi, a Persian poet and philosopher. It struck me as unusual that someone would be carrying around a book of ancient […]

If You Want To Be Trusted Be Honest

Seems like a no brainer to be honest, but you and I know that some of our friends will skirt the truth for various reasons, none being worth the damage that a lie will yield. It makes perfect sense as you go through life, that if you want to be trusted, be honest. I had a friend who was notorious for telling (as she would explain) “little white lies,” as compared to green or blue lies, I guess. She wouldn’t even blink when telling a “little” mistruth, and over time I started to wonder where the “little lie” stopped and […]

Garbage In, Garbage Out

Seriously, I have no idea why people watch TV. Consider this a rant (and forgive me if you feel otherwise): in the space of two minutes of my clicking through TV channels in my hotel room, I saw horrifying and gruesome abuse (directed towards women), physical beatings of men and women, vulgar language and inappropriate insinuation of harm to kids. And we wonder what is wrong with our world! I have never been a big TV watcher. I taught myself years ago to put down the remote down and pick up a book. While I love any TV adventure that […]

The Emotion of Shame

I am continuing with my theme of emotions, which are causing you harm, because I want you to understand that you are more than how you feel, and that you can (with help) heal the damaged places in your heart and mind. So let’s continue… Today I want to talk with you about shame, which is closely related to but different from guilt. Probably the best definition I have heard of shame is that it’s a failure to meet your own standard of behavior, whereas guilt is a failure to meet others’ standards of behavior. This is the difference we’re […]