Deb Sofield


Every Positive Change

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People often think that making changes in life (large or small) is just too difficult to do, so they procrastinate, and then they take such a long time to finally make a decision that they miss the opportunity, when all they really needed to do was to take the most basic step, and that is to start.

My thought for the day is…

 Every positive change in your life begins with a clear, unequivocal decision that you are going to either do something or stop doing something.

I don’t want to be a scold, and, frankly, that is not my personality. But I will say that it is so frustrating when good people make the same mistakes over and over, simply because they didn’t think through the options for their amazing life, or they are holding on to pain from their past that is now affecting them in all areas of their life, and it is wrecking what might have been a promising career.

Friend, if you’re going to have a positive change in your life, you must begin with a clear decision about your future. I didn’t say your past, because too many times we wallow in the past and let it dictate our future, which, by the way, is a bad idea. Remember, you’re not who you were—you can change at any moment you decide that you’re going to write your own life’s story and not relive your past mistakes.

Most people I know are sorry for their mistakes, and that’s great, but at some point they’ve got to let go to move forward. We need to make a decision that we’re going to either do something or stop doing something.

Again, you are in control; stop thinking that you’re not. That is a cop out—the easy way—and you’re better than that. And, by the way, if you are in a relationship that is so controlling that you are not allowed to think or do for yourself, then you need to stop and think about how much life you’re wasting by being locked up by another person who doesn’t see your value or respect your heart and soul and mind. Come on, get with the program!

I’m pretty sure you didn’t start out in the life being a doormat; becoming one at your age is sad, and, tell me, what happened to your once promising career or life or love? Only you can make the change for the better, friend, only you.

So what do you need to do to get your life and career on the path that you’d like?

  •  Do you need to start saying no to every time-wasting committee or activity that you’re on, so you can do the things you love or simply do your work?
  • Do you need to look around your place and space and see if this is how you want to live?
  • Do you need to distance yourself from your loser friends who are going nowhere and who resent the fact that you are?

I could spend all day asking you some of the basic questions of life to help you see that you need to stop doing some of these things, so you can see your opportunities with a new lens for your success. Now, while I’m pretty sure you know how to do that, I suspect you just need to take the time and get it done while you can. And I don’t say that to scare you or push you, but time is short and you’re most likely not getting any younger, so what are you waiting for?

While I believe that there are things you need to say no to, there are some things you should consider saying yes to.

Do you need to say yes to the job promotion, even though it means you might have to move to a new city or new country for a few years?

Maybe some of you need to say yes to the person you’ve been dating and can’t seem to get around to marrying?

Do you need to say yes to personal freedom, even if it means being alone for a time?

So what do you need to say YES to? You know what it is. I just wonder why you can’t seem to get going and say yes? I get that it is probably fear in your life, but at some point you need to set fear aside and see the truth for what it is, and that is…

 Every positive change in your life begins with a clear decision that you are going to either do something or stop doing something.

 And the best part is that YOU get to make the choice. So what is holding you back?

I had a call from someone recently who was really struggling with her public speaking. She told me that in her job she has to make presentations, and she then explained to me the intense fear that overtakes her when she has to make a simple presentation on topics she knows well and should be able to speak to, but she crashes and burns and it’s now affecting her standing in the company.

I get calls like this all the time and they ask how I can help. Well, I’d love to help, but I can’t, until the person is ready, willing and able to confront what happened in their past that is causing them to have such fear.

As a speech coach, over the years of working in the business, I can tell pretty quickly if someone or something happened that the person has not forgiven or has not let go of for some reason. And by not dealing with the pain or fear or embarrassment from what happened (usually years ago) it is now affecting them in their job, life, relationships and career.

As a person of faith, I’m pretty bold in telling them to seriously think about what happened and then ask for forgiveness for themselves or the offending person…and then let it go.

And if that isn’t how you work, well, then you go out into the yard and hammer nails into a board or an old piece of wood until your body vibrates and your hands bleed. Hammer away all of your anger, fear, frustration that the old wood can take, and then, when you’re ready, pull out those nails and with each one acknowledge the pain and forgive it and throw it away.

Friend, I don’t know what clear, unequivocal decision you need to make to get your life back on track, but I’m here to tell you, you need to do it sooner than later, because time is not on your side when you’re hurting. Your brain doesn’t think right when you’re hurting. Actually, everything in your life will begin to hurt when you’re hurting, so you need to figure out how to ease the pain in a positive way…and do it now.

Emotionally, many people have nails in their heart, their head and their back and, until you pull them out, you will not heal—the wound will fester and become infected and, if you’re not careful, you might have to cut off that part to save the rest of you, or it will consume you, then we’ll read about who you were in the obituary section of the paper. I am as serious about this as you are, when you think about your life…as it is today.

So with that said, may I remind you today that YOU are so worth it! Friend, you have value! Believe it or not, you are loved, and holding in the pain that is killing you slowly hurts us more than you know, because, let me remind you, you are not alone. Others feel like you do, but, unlike you, they were willing to be strong enough to heal, and that happened when they pulled out the nails of hurt, anger, abuse, fear, frustration and failure.

It is hard to do, and, by the way, if you can’t do it alone or with a loving friend or partner, there are a number of good counselors who can help. There is no shame in asking for help; it’s shameful when you don’t.

A coach can try to get past some of the fear that is holding you back, but it won’t be long-term, so you need to face the issues that have you stopped in your life, because

Every positive change in your life begins with a clear, unequivocal decision that you are going to either do something or stop doing something.

So what will it be? Will you consider, just for today, the option of what would happen if you allowed real, positive change in your amazing life?

You know what I think? I think the best news I can remind you of is this, that it starts with you and only you, and I believe in you to make the right decisions for you and those you love, because doing anything less is beneath you, and that’s not who you are. Remember, you are so worth it, so stay strong and let’s begin the positive changes in your amazing life.

Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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