Deb Sofield


You Matter

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In thinking about this week’s show and having overheard some conversations of a few people that I know well, I was struck once again about the power of words that sink into the heart of everyone and rattle the fragile understanding of one’s self worth.

It seems to me that words are so many times callously thrown about and off-handedly imply to anyone who will listen that they (the person) are damaged and, believing their pain, they question one eternal truth that has stood the test of time through the ages, and yet so many people struggle with the concept of this truth, which is…that they matter.

Everyone listening to the show (or reading the newsletter) today or 10, 25 or 50 years from now needs to either be reminded of or reacquainted with the certainty of the fact that you matter.

Now, I don’t know what is going on in your life today, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you have value and that you matter and nothing can change that truth.

In our time together I want to lay out a few ideas that I want you to pay attention to and really hear in my message today. Some of you are reading my newsletter or listening to my show for the very first time and others have been with me all these years, yet, no matter where you on are the scale of listener loyalty, let me remind you of something you know but may no longer believe: No matter what you think about yourself today, no matter if others have been cruel with their words and actions, you need to see clearly the simple truth that never changes. This truth of your self-worth and the idea that you matter does not change, not with your emotions, not with your pain or your fear, your loneliness or your darkness, because when you understand that you matter, that is the light that shines through the storms of life, through the dark of night and through the bars that you have placed around your heart and mind to give you a sense of protection–albeit false, my friend–it is the pure light that gives brightness to your darkness and whispers the age-old truth that never changes, and that is that you matter, you have value and this world needs you. And if no one else in the world sees it or sees it in you, then you must trust, believe and learn to be strong enough to cling to truth of the matter with all your might to hold on until the morning.

We’re heading into a very hard time of year for many. The change in seasons, the darker days and nights and impending holidays are just another reminder of the solitude, emptiness and loneliness that many feel in their lives.

Social media makes it seem that everyone has someone, but you…now you do know that is not true. And let me just remind you that it is better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone.

See, what is conveniently covered up in this season is the truth that most people are scared and lonely and broken and broke, but it is how you deal with the truth of these days that will set you free and might just give you joy. And perhaps this just might be the moment of rest you’ve so needed to get your life back in order.

Commercialism is an amazing drug that is fed to all of us 24/7 this time of year to keep so many people afloat for just 60 days until we reach the New Year with all its promises of doing better, losing weight, making more money or getting back on track of whatever you fell off of… again.

Oh, the promises of what is to come (for many) is an opiate for pain, but it’s in those in-between-times that too many good people make poor choices that affect those they leave behind for the rest of their lives.

See, the reason you need to understand the eternal truth of life, which is that… you were put here for a reason and your job is to figure out why and how and then get to it, because you matter, and you are needed and without you there will be a void.

You know that I have started most every one of my weekly shows these past three years with one of a series of truths that I firmly believe in, whether I encourage you to live your best life ever by using the gifts you’ve been given, because as a person of faith I believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you have gifts that you’ve been given, but you have not tapped into them because you took your eye off the prize and haven’t focused on all the good things in your amazing life, and I want to focus on success in your life with your family, your community and your job.

Or whether I encourage you to learn to live up to your full potential so you can do what you were born to do, because, as your friend, I care about your success, and, as your speech coach, I want you to stop living in silence and let your voice be heard. If you’re not living to your full potential, then you’re not living your best life ever… and that is not acceptable in my book, so, in these years together, I have talked about

  • being your best,
  • getting over your fears and
  • re-directing your life to put you on the right path for success.

Friend, you must know that I have seriously considered my words to you each week, because I have a very strong suspicion that in your life I doubt very many people are speaking truth into you; as your friend, you can trust me when I tell you that you matter.

I wish the world were different. I do wish we lived in a time where people took the time or made the time to show respect and concern for others, but what I’ve seen is that we’re all so busy getting by or putting our own life in order that many people just do not have the capacity to add anyone outside of their circle. It doesn’t make people bad or mean or uncaring; it just means that many people choose the easy route because taking care of number one doesn’t leave much time to take care of number 100.

I am not knocking the idea of taking care of yourself and your family, in fact, for some of you that might be the greatest gift of love you can show this year because someone needs you, most likely your family, even the ones you’re not crazy about because they are crazy and wear out your kindness, but it’s only for a season–a season of love and good will.

For those who know they will be standing on the outside looking in because you’re not part of someone else’s circle, let me just level with you: You need to make your own circle. As tough as it is to hear, some reading today are going to need to do some work early to make it through this upcoming season. The fact is, every charity I know needs an extra set of hands at this time of year and you may be the right person at the right time to be a gift to someone else in need. Yeah, shocking, I know! You! A gift! I’ve seen it over and over, and it’s amazing how helping others will fill your bucket to overflowing and then some, but it takes action on your part, and you need to schedule this early so you don’t miss your opportunity to give.

It may seem strange that I’m encouraging you to consider giving when you think you’ve got nothing and that you think you don’t particularly matter, but you can’t run away from the truth no matter how far you go. It still stands that you matter, and you have a responsibility to figure out how to do something about it–something good, honorable and kind.

I get that it is an odd concept to hear that what you think about yourself deep down, frankly, doesn’t matter because you have a narrow view of your field of life and it’s all you know…so, from an outsider point of view, let me remind you that people are so much harder on themselves then they would ever be towards others–it’s just an odd fact of life. I’m simply asking that you give yourself a break–an opening, a chance to see what I see and what probably many others see but they will not tell you because of their self worth issues (as sad as that is)… but back to my point.

Don’t let your view of your place in life be dimmed by the darkness around you.

Believe me when I tell you that you have been chosen and called for a special purpose because…

you matter and…

you are enough.

In this season of quietness, ah, friend, rest assured that there is a light that is shining for you–in your honor–to light your path because the light of truth cannot be extinguished when it comes to you.


Because you matter.

Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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