One of the great joys of doing this radio show is all the nice people who call or email me and tell me how a certain show was meaningful to them, from how much they liked a certain guest to some asking questions about who to turn to for help. Since I am not a licensed counselor or an HR person, I like to suggest some good people I know who may be able to help those who reach out to me seeking answers.
I cannot help everyone, but I certainly will try to send them to those who might be able to help.
Occasionally, I receive a call from someone who, by listening to my weekly dose of encouragement, has allowed a dormant spark of a long-lost passion to flicker back to life. When that spark catches on and begins to create a little light, that’s what pushes a few good folks to ask how to get started or restart on something they had always wanted to do but pushed aside for whatever reason.
A week ago, I met someone who said they’d always felt that they wanted to speak at conferences because they had gone through a lot in their life, and they just wanted to let others know how they got through it. They wanted to be an encouragement to others. I get that one a lot. The problem with that request is that it is hard to find your tribe—those who will let you speak from the platform and then pay you for the information.
Not to be discouraging, but most speakers have been on the circuit for years speaking on topics they are experts on, and that is how a livelihood is made in this very competitive business. Yes, some can do well for a time with their topic, and topics of interest come and go. Currently, there are a number of fine folks talking about storytelling, but in time, that will most likely dwindle down to a handful of speakers who can sustain the business.
Again, please know that if you have a passion and can craft a message that can change lives, you might be onto something. I encourage you to find like-minded individuals who share your topic and see if they would be willing to have you speak to their group.
Probably the number one request I receive from folks who call me is the desire to speak to the faith community, as it seems relatively straightforward, given that most Sunday sermons are structured around three points and a poem. They are familiar with the texts, the congregation, and the words to all the songs. And since we are taught to judge not, many think that is a great way to get started.
So, I had a call this week from a very nice person. She had been listening for over a year and finally found the courage to call me and ask how to start speaking.
When I answered the phone, she introduced herself and explained that she wanted to speak at women’s conferences; then, she began to share with me all the reasons why she hadn’t been able to pursue her dream of speaking. She is married with kids in school and a husband who is ill but is doing odd jobs to help keep the family stable. She has to work but doesn’t like her job, and she can’t quit because they need the money. She went on to tell me that she is not a good writer and didn’t finish school, so she feels bad about that and doesn’t feel good about her command of the English language. It was then that I had to stop her—frankly, I just couldn’t listen anymore.
I have a very low tolerance for people who want to dwell on all the reasons why they can’t follow their dreams, live their passion, or do what they feel they were born to do.
Instead of discussing all the reasons she gave me about her life being out of balance, I asked her to give me a few topics on which she would like to speak.
I got the usual marriage, mortgage, and munchkins line. Let me tell you how to have a great marriage, how to manage your finances effectively, and how to show love to your kids.
Well, that was a typical start, so I asked again: can you think about a few topics on which you would like to speak and that people need to hear?
Once again, she started by complaining about her life, her husband, her kids, and her in-laws, and I had to stop her again and give her a quote that I had seen.
You can dwell on it for the rest of your life. That’s death. Or you can let it go and move on. That’s life.
You see, I wanted her to let go of all her excuses and move forward with her dreams and desires, to see life-the life she wants to see, be in, and have. I wanted her to move forward to pursue her dream of being a speaker in the faith community at conferences all over America, but she wants to dwell on all the reasons why it won’t work. And I feel sure that, within all the hours of excuse-making, she refuses to make the small changes to clean up her life (And, I’m guessing, her house and yard and garage and closets and car and kitchen also.) because talking about it is so much easier than doing the work. I see it every day.
And I was brokenhearted that talking was all it seemed she was willing to do, but I decided to offer her a way out. I suggested that she write a paragraph a day—just a paragraph of what she would say if she were given the opportunity to speak to a group.
Not War and Peace, not even a Reader’s Digest short story. Nothing major, nothing more than a few lines every day about a topic that she feels would benefit others. And when she finishes writing her paragraph, she should send it to a trusted friend to keep her accountable and encourage her to write every day. I suggested writing just a paragraph on a small notepad so that she wouldn’t be overwhelmed, and I said I’d check back with her in a few weeks.
I feel like Paul Harvey, here to tell you the rest of the story…
I wish I had good news, but I don’t. You see, she has chosen to discuss all the reasons why it still won’t work, and she will, like my theme today, dwell on it for the rest of her life. That’s death.
I could not convince her to let it go and move on. That would be life. The life she “tells” me she wants for herself and her family.
When I think about the simple homework I assigned her, I am reminded of an excellent local TEDx speaker who visited my hometown about a year ago. He writes what he calls mini-sagas, stories he writes every day, and they are exactly 50 words—no more, no less.
He will tell you that the design and planning it takes to produce a mini saga have made him more efficient, observant, and more disciplined in his everyday life. He was excellent, and his concept is intriguing to me, not only as a discipline but also as a creative outlet within strict guidelines that undoubtedly lead to success in other areas of life.
You might want to consider writing a mini-saga of only 50 words and see how well you’d do. Within time, I’m sure you’ll improve your skill and word choice, word color, and creative verbal design. It would be a good step in the right direction to get your creative juices flowing for your success.
Brigitte Nicole’s quote: You can dwell on it for the rest of your life. That’s death. Or you can let it go and move on. That’s life is very real for many listening today. You’ve spent a lifetime talking about your dreams. What would it take for you to get going on them…to live the life you’ve imagined?
Let me encourage you to let the past go. I know I’ve said this before, but if you don’t make peace with your past, it will keep showing up in your present.
Let past hurts, past failures, past falling downs go, and move on. You can’t change it now. If you’ve done your part and asked for forgiveness, or even if they didn’t give you that chance to accept your request for healing, it’s okay because it’s over. It’s done. For some, it’s forgotten, for others, it never meant a thing to them, so stop cheating on your future with your past—it’s over. It’s time to let it go and move on—that’s life.
Now, breathe and clear your mind, soul, and heart, and move in the direction of your dreams. I’ll be here every week to cheer you on.
