Deb Sofield


You Are What You Believe

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For this show I want to tackle two topics that I firmly believe you need to stop and pay attention to if you’re going to make a change for your life and those you love.

My topic today is you are what you believe, and next week I am going to ask that you set aside your pre-conceived ideas and self-sabotaging stumbling blocks, and simply listen to my take on a word that I’ve not been a fan of in the past, but have come to see that for many it is all they have–the need to find a flicker of hope in their lives.

It seems so simple when I suggest that you are what you believe and yet, for many today, that is not a true statement.

Many of you have been numbed into believing that you are:

  • what others tell you that you are or
  • who you are supposed to be by your race, creed and color, or, even worse,
  • you’ve created a persona or avatar

and now you are not your true self. And when you succumb to these rules of others’ or you’re hiding yourself from yourself, you block your heart’s true core belief–that who you are is enough–good enough, kind enough, loving enough, smart enough, wise enough–simply enough.

If you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, then I would expect that you have a healthy sense of self-care, not only for yourself but also for your friends and family. And if that is going to happen, then you need to include taking care of you first and foremost. I love the quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Ah, friend, take care of yourself first.

If you believe that you’ve been called to a big life of singing or speaking or teaching, then I would expect that you are working at it daily to be prepared when the opportunity presents itself. And let me just tell you what I know–if you’re not prepared, the opportunity will rarely show itself to you. That’s not how the world works.

If you believe that you have skills and abilities that others would find of great value, then I would expect that you’re out there networking to find your place in the employment of the company of your dreams, or that you’re doing the extra work of creating your own business for your financial success.

See, if you are what you truly believe, then answer me this, why are you still stuck, tired and broke? Is it because you talk about those dreams but don’t do anything to make it happen?

I can’t begin to tell you the people–and these are good-hearted people–who call me or meet me at a conference or find me online and tell me they want to be fulfilled, or famous, or rich, or have a smoking hot body. (By the way, I heard a joke that the best way to have a smoking hot body is to be cremated.)

Okay, back to the good-hearted people who talk up a blue streak of what they are going to do, or who wish and hope and dream that someone, somewhere, will find them and tap them with a magic wand and all good things will appear. That makes a lot of sense. And yet, when I ask them, “What are you doing to get there?” they look at me like I’m asking for money–cold, hard cash. They look at me with eyes wide open and say that they don’t want to do anything; in their minds, it should just come to them, to which I ask, “Why?” and I hear the most bizarre answers that all start with the phrase, “Well, because…,” To which I ask again, “Because why?” It’s as if I should be able to see their greatness flowing forth, and, friend, I wish it were so. How cool would that be that you just wake up one day and, lo and behold, you’ve got the good looks of George and Amal Clooney, or the money of Bill Gates, or the wisdom of Chuck Swindoll…Wow! Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Friend, if you are what you believe, then you need to get to work on yourself. And that will only happen when you turn off the voices of what others tell you that you are supposed to be, and when you push past your frustration of being judged (real or imagined) due to your race, creed or color; or when you set aside the avatar of your fake life and be who you were born to be. Only then will you see your new life come alive into existence.

What do you believe about yourself? Really stop and think, and tell me, what do you believe? It’s not easy to answer unless you’ve done the work to make your dreams come true.

Let me give you a few ideas that will make it happen faster for you.

Let’s start with taking care of you. There is no doubt the pressure of the world weighs heavy on many hearts and minds. It’s not just what is happening in the world around us, but also this is a hard season for a lot of people–for some reason, the holidays bring out the best and worst in people. I also know that financially at this time of year and in the New Year it is hard and stressful. To prevent yourself from burning out and wearing down even more than you are, sometimes you need to stop and focus on your own needs.

Empty the cup that holds everyone else’s problems and thoughts and fill it with your own. Listen to yourself and figure out what is bothering you and what it will take to help you heal, whether that be talking to a professional, ending a relationship or simply creating a more organized and restful space. Do that for you, because after every one is gone, you are left with only yourself, and that needs to be someone you can live with. You may believe you can do it all, until one day you break and then the recovery will be twice as hard. Please slow down for a bit this slower time of year. No need to add to the financial, emotional or physical pressure you’re already under.

For those who want to sing or speak or teach, let me level with you. For every 1 person who stands on stage, 1,000 others would like the same opportunity. So, what are you doing today to differentiate yourself from the rest? When you say that you believe you are called to a life of public service, and I believe that is what singing, speaking and teaching is–service to others–tell me, what are you doing in the waiting period before you hit the stage? If you’re not working now, when will you begin? Tell me the truth. If you believe you are called, what are you doing daily to make a difference? I have no doubt you can make it. All I’m asking is, if you are what you believe, then you should be ready to go.

And if you are what you believe, tell me how you are going about setting up your own opportunities. I have had many guests on the radio show these past three years, telling story after story on how they made their life’s work into a paying job and are loving life since it is now on their terms. And I’m not just talking about owning your own business. There are some great places to work in your town where they would love your skill set, if they only knew about you and what you have to offer. Your belief in yourself to make something good happen is a necessary skill for your financial future, and I’ll leave you with this thought, You can do anything you want to do if you believe and put some feet and sweat to your plans and prayers. There is no opportunity that you can’t manage. If you can’t go up, go around, and if that doesn’t work, think about a new way to solve an age-old problem. For those of you who think outside the realm of the typical to the possible, the world is your oyster, as they say.

Let me end with this, which is how much you allow others to tell you how to live your life and who you are supposed to be. And for those of you who are living a lie of your double standard life, this is for you, too. Now I am fully in agreement that there is a fine line of being respectful, but, remember, these people are not walking in your shoes.

I saw a quote that said “…you’re afraid to tell people how you feel because you think it will destroy them, so you bury it deep inside yourself where it destroys you.” Think about that my friend. James Von Praagh said, “We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own path, and we will never be happy if we live someone else’s idea of life.”

Check out the show I did a few weeks ago, “Don’t Put the Key to Your Happiness in Someone Else’s Pocket.” And I’ll end with my favorite quote from Jim Rohn, “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

Friend, you are what you believe. Now tell me or, better yet, tell yourself exactly who that person is and what can be expected of them, and then Be Who You Are.


Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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