Deb Sofield


Sometimes you’ve got to ask…

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I had a dear friend say to me one time, “you know Deb you can ask for help… it’s not a sign of weakness and in your case,  it might be a sign of strength” I know I looked at her like she had two heads – a sign of strength to say you need help – I’m a little slow on that concept…you’re going to need to explain.

So, she proceeded to tell me that as much I as like to help others and find a sense of community or friendship or profit from my time well spent… that others feel the same. I thought you know you’re probably right. I do enjoy helping others get on their feet and make a go of it and be successful so it would only make sense that there are other – just like me – who also enjoy the opportunity to help. Now you would have thought I could come to that on my own…but no, I’m embarrassed to say it took me a while.

So recently I took my own advice. I have just come through an election and if you’ve ever run for office you know you – if your wise – that you need the help of others… so today in honor of all those who gave of their time and talent – allow me to send a shout out of thanks to you.

Now don’t worry I’m not going to spend an hour talking about my amazing campaign team but between friends… for many of us dear listeners… we are better, smarter, wiser due to the good folks we hang around or to the ones we ask to help us.

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote from Jim Rohn “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Now if you check that phrase out online – you will see thousands of articles and commentary on the meaning of that phrase. Some use it to talk about weight, wealth, and walking – others use it to discuss family, friends and frenemies and other use that phrase to chide, correct and cajole others into being what they want them to be – well no matter what you choose the meaning to be it is an interesting concept that if You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with (outside of your family), you need to stop and look around and see who is sitting next to you. And I hope it is one of your dearest, truest, kindest and most caring friends.

You know the one that the greeting card says:

  • We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile and then we’ll be new friends.
  • Or the one that says, a good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying – wow that was fun…
  • I like this one – Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public…
  • And I say to my friends – you will always be my best friend – you know too much about me….

I love the old African proverb – “alone I may walk fast, together we’ll walk far” isn’t that great… because many times together makes the journey more interesting and seem to go by much faster.

It’s been said, “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.”

Isn’t that so true. As many of you know I work with a lot of young people and it seems to me that quick glance of their Instagram or Facebook page with all their friends is a great insight to who they are and where they’re probably going.

Sometimes it pays to ask for help when you’re going through a hard time and what I have found to be – is many times the person I sought out – may not be the most popular or well-connected but their heart is in the right place so their advice is solid – and that is gift we can all hope for…someone who is willing to hear you out and either offer advice or just by being there offer a sense of comfort.

Shocking but true I’m not always verbal and witty and sometimes I say silly things and realize I need a rest – in fact I do have a quiet side and I have come to learn that sometimes just being there and being a rock or shelter or strong arm is more valuable than any training or coaching or talking I could ever give

Sometimes when asked I just listen…I’ve learned there is no need to talk when others just need to talk it out…and there is something about speaking out loud – it seems to put the words and world in order.

So how about you – can you or will you slow down enough to ask for help? Can you sit quietly with a friend and just be there (without out your cell phone).

I recently saw a commercial online of a young lady who was dating a guy and every scene of the video he or her other friends are on a cell phone – at breakfast scrolling through the feeds, at the park talking on the phone, at lunch watching a video, at coffee with friends everyone is staring at their phone and the last scene is her boyfriends at his own birthday party taking photos of his cake and friends with his phone – not until he shut out the light did the phone go away until the screen light up again as he was scrolling for news.

Will you be a friend who offers a hand of help when you see a need and not wait to be asked? I hope so… you and I know it is more blessed to give than receive but what is so cool about that thought is you do receive a benefit when you give, and nothing can take that away from you.

As a coach I know it is hard for people to come to the place in their career where they realize that they probably need a little help to get to the next level. Asking for help is not easy when you’re the president of the company or the super sales star or the leader of the pack who is supposed to have all the answers or is assumed to have all the answers…but believe me many a successful person took the time to find a mentor, a friend, a coach – someone who they could reach out to and ask…

If you are part of the community faith – we have an invitation to ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be open unto you… so Asking is a foundational part of our makeup, our desire, our opportunity and for some our success.

So let me leave you with this thought – sometimes you will be asked the same question over and over by your little one or your elderly parent… consider it a gift to answer all 47 times…not easy I know but it is the right and proper thing to do – to teach, to nurture, to show your love.

It’s okay to ask…in fact sometimes your friends and family wish you would so they can show their love and concern for you…

Wow what a gift – I hope you’ll take it today!

Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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