Deb Sofield


Learn to handle things on your own

Share This!

Listen to Deb's Podcasts on


People aren’t always going to be there for you. That’s why you learn to handle things on your own.

You know what I think one of the hardest things in life is? It’s when you have to do things on your own. I do tend to work alone—it’s just the nature of my business—but sometimes I like to work with others; I just like to hear what they think, or I like to see the process of working together to accomplish a goal come to realization. I also like the comradely that happens when you put good people together to make stuff.

So if you can find your tribe and make good things happen for yourself or others, more power to you. You are blessed, but for most of us, unfortunately people aren’t always going to be there for us. That’s why you need to learn to handle things on your own. I saw that phrase a while back and it was a good reminder that, sometimes, instead of waiting for someone to help me, I just need to pick up the tools and get to work, and, friend, you do, too.

Some of you are waiting for others to help you get going on projects, on dreams, on memories, but they haven’t come through, so you’re still waiting, and my question is, how long will you wait, and why are you giving your power to someone else when you could go ahead and get the job, project, dream fulfilled with your own effort?

Some of you listening today need to re-evaluate the relationship with the friend that is not doing their part, and, if it is something you really want to do, go ahead and get started, and hopefully you’ll meet some new friends on that new road to give you the encouragement you need to do what you wanted to do, see what you wanted to see or a least make your plans to accomplish your dreams. And the good news is, sometimes when you start, your tribe will follow.

One of my pet peeves in life is when someone says they’re going to do something…and they don’t. It’s really hard for me to give them a second chance. I move at a fast pace, and, if someone can’t or won’t come through as promised, I’ll find someone who will or I’ll do it myself. And I won’t put myself in a position a second time to have to lean on them, since they didn’t come through when they promised. Maybe that sounds harsh, but for me it’s better than me becoming angry or hurt or frustrated, because others didn’t come through.

I can still love those people, but I won’t put myself in a position to cause further harm to the already fractured relationship.

The fact is, “People aren’t always going to be there for you. That’s why you learn to handle things on your own.” And that’s my theme for today.

So today I want to encourage you to find the strength to do the things that need to get done, or some things you’ve been dreaming about or simply make a plan to do the thing you’ve always wanted, but you’ve got to get started now…and not someday, because there is no someday—that’s a false idea.

What needs to get done in your life? Really, what needs to be started or finished? Is there a project that is just lying around…since last Christmas? Do you need to take the time to update your resume, your will or your insurance? Or do you need to clean out your closet, car, attic, office, house…kids’ toys? What is the project that hangs over you that has caused you to stop, when with a little effort you can pick it back up again and finish the job and be done and feel that sense of accomplishment?

When you talk to professional organizers, they will tell you that within hours of completing a long standing project that has been hanging around, a heaviness will lift from the clients’ shoulders; they say it is almost visible to see the change. I think that is cool. Just the fact that you did what you committed to doing will change your outlook for the better. Your mind set a deadline and now your spirit is waiting for completion.

Those of you who know me know I am all about cleaning stuff up and out from the attic, garage, closet, or office. Why? Because when you’re not weighed down with stuff (or junk ,or dirt, or mess), you will create space for something new, better, brighter, cleaner, but it will not happen until you get to work, and for many listening you will be doing the work by yourself. But that’s okay, because it is about progress and moving you to a better place so you move in the direction of your dreams.

A while back, a friend came by the house and, as he was looking around, he said, “Where’s all your stuff?” And I told him, everything you see is all I have. I don’t have stuff just lying around, because that causes clutter, and my working brain cannot deal with that. I know that might be strange, but sometimes I can’t get big things done, until I have cleared out all the little things.

Now I have to be careful that I don’t spend all my time on little things and not get to the real work at-hand that needs to get done, but over the years I have realized that I needed to learn how to handle things on my own, because people aren’t always going to be there for me…and the same is true for you.

So now that you have made your Saturday list to get going and get things done and you’re working down the list to success, let’s move to what have you been dreaming about. They say when your mind wanders to the place of your desire, that is where your heart will go. So if you think about painting the bedroom or buying a new car or going on vacation, start planning, saving and researching now, because there is a great chance that others will not be there for you, so you need to figure out what you want and then move in the direction of your dreams and desires, even if you have to do it alone.

When I ask, what is your dream, what would you say? A while back I did a show called Dreams Are for Free. An artist I know gives out lottery tickets, if you will write down on her form what your dreams are, and what was interesting is many people didn’t write down big audacious things, but real life things like: pay for college, buy a house, go on a vacation without worrying about the cost…

I don’t want to sound negative today, but, since most of you will be doing your hopes and dreams by yourself, I want to stress that you need to stop waiting for others to make you happy when you need to be strong enough to make the decisions that would bring you joy. And, listen, it’s my hope that friends and family will come alongside of you to enjoy the ride, but, if not, stop sitting around waiting. And, goodness, don’t sit around moaning and groaning—that will get you nowhere, so get going on your own.

When I travel overseas, I will take an extra day or two to sightsee with a guide or by myself, and I can tell you that for that 6-hour trip with strangers, we’re all friends–just sightseeing together, helping each other with photos or walking together up to a castle. These aren’t my friends for life—they’re my tour bus stranger friends—but I choose to go, instead of sitting in my hotel room missing the sights and sounds and history of a place. And you can do the same thing, no matter where you are, just don’t let life pass you by because your people aren’t there for you at this time.

When you accept that you need to learn to handle things on your own, you will grow strong and learn to have faith in your ability, and, without a doubt, you’ll experience a sense of freedom of space and time and place. And, who knows, you just might fulfill your life-long dream to see the Grand Canyon, or go to a Broadway show in New York City, or have your photo taken at the Eiffel Tower in Paris…better to go alone than not at all.

So whether it’s finishing your list of projects around the house or office or if you’re going to make your long standing dream come true, I’m proud of you for getting going in your amazing life. And for those of you who aren’t quite ready, then let’s make a plan, so you can work the plan for your future.

There are a lot of ways to start. I encourage you to make a vision board—put up photos of what you want to do, see or become—it is so much easier to plan when you can see the intended outcome. Without a plan in place, you’re just talking about a pipedream, so this is why you have your vision board. And if you’re not comfortable with sharing your dream right now, put your board on the inside of your clothes closet, so, every day when you open that door, you’ll be reminded of where you’re going one day… then go online and set an alert for air fare or ticket discounts or whatever you need to get the job done, and keep a list of pricing, so you get a sense of the true cost. And then start setting aside a little bit of money weekly to accomplish your dream. Even if you have to start small, over time, with your work and vision, it very well may come true…and wouldn’t that be great!

Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

Leave a Reply


    Recently Added


    Featured On

    Share via
    Copy link
    Powered by Social Snap