Deb Sofield


You’ve Changed

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You’ve Changed

When someone says, “you changed” it simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way… 2x

I love that quote… I found it on my favorite waste of time website Pinterest. When I posted it on my Facebook page I got a number of likes and responses because I think it resonates with people.

Why – because it falls into one of those nice southern sayings that is usually unwarranted criticism dripping with honey. I find you hear this a lot from the church crowd (who spend more time gossiping about how bad you are and never looking at themselves) but I digress.

Please understand that I am fully aware that many of you listening today – live a certain way because you don’t want to cause others grief or worry or even harm but please know for you to live your best life ever…. some of you need to come into light.

Now I fully understand respect– it is a southern rule of etiquette and all well manned people subscribe to that…please hear me I am not advocating that you go against the grain of your personal beliefs or standards…(never do that) but for so many… your not living your best because you’re living your life someone else’s way and still some of you have been silenced by others, you’ve been bullied into cowardliness or for some you’ve never let your voice be heard because you have allowed others to quiet you…

I don’t know all the reasons why but I do know that when you do speak or act or dream or hope or wish in a manner that others don’t deem suitable for them– it angers them because they don’t love you enough to let you shine. Or they’re worried you’ll outshine their dim light…

This phrase “you changed” stings when family members use it on one another – the people who are suppose to be on your team are nipping at your heels… I don’t where – why or how that started but it needs to stop. Family is the one place you should be free to be yourself… loved, respected and cared for… and by the way if you’re always ripping your spouse (I see this a lot when I travel – talk about stress I’d probably leave half of them at the airport) don’t be surprised when they walk away… because in this case – you probably have changed (and not for the better) why did you turn so mean and angry…

I was talking with a friend the other day and they said this phrase – when we were chatting about life… it’s one thing to forgive and we all talk about forgiveness but unless you forget – you haven’t forgiven – you’re still hanging on…

You know Deb’s rule – you can probably say it with me by now – Walk Away…find new friends, or have a meeting of the minds to set a new direction for your marriage or your relationships your family or co-workers.

I think many times people use the phrase “you changed” to bite you in a nice way… I mean really – how mean does it sound when someone says – Oh you’ve changed– but what that implies is your not living up or down to their expectations…

Hmmm I wonder – who put them in a position to comment on your life… your dreams…. your hopes…. your future.

Hold on the answers coming – You did – yes You… so now you have to walk it back and find another path for your freedom to shine with or without them chattering on about you…because their hurtful words don’t matter…unless you let them…

Leo Buscaglia (Boo Scall lia) said -The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be – don’t let them put you in that position.

Oscar Wilde “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Wallace Wattles – who wrote the book the science of getting rich…said – “The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself.”

So when someone says, “you changed” – smile and tell them you’re glad they noticed….

You know the old kill them with kindness… I know you’d rather hit them with a brick but that’s not Christian charity…brother or sister – amen.


Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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