Deb Sofield


I choose to live by choice, not by chance

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I choose to live by choice, not by chance~ Miranda Marrott

I came across this quote online the other day and I really like it for this Christmas season because it puts in place what I consider the realities of life – the simple facts that are truth for so many of us…and what I like is as I read through the list, I believe you’ll come to understand the proper steps for our success…meaning that you (and I) need to choose…

I choose                                                          

To live by choice, not by chance;

To make changes, not excuses;

To be motived, not manipulated;

To be useful, not used;

To excel, not compete;

I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.

I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinion of others…and I’ll add…who don’t have your best interest at heart

We choose… every day we make choices for ourselves, our families, our loved ones, our colleagues, our friends, our pets and the list goes on…and on

Every day I meet people who have made choices – large and small to better themselves or their loved ones because it finally hit them that they Choose…

They choose to live by choice…and not by chance

Living life to their expectations, hopes and dreams – whether large or small and that is so much better than living by chance… allowing someone else to make your decisions – or not engaging fully in what is happening around you.

Living by choice is a blessing – an opportunity to redirect your life if you so choose or being able to sit still since your life is on the path you chose.

Friends learn to live by choice – it frees you to be your best and do what you were born to do….

I choose to make changes, not excuses…

Change is always hard but if you’re in driver’s seat it’s a great ride… I know I speak often about this subject because I so fully believe that at any time we can choose to make changes… Jim Rohn is famous for saying – you can change anytime – you’re not a tree.

I won’t sit here and tell you that I don’t make excuses – believe me I do…but you and I know that excuses just lead to more excuses and then little to nothing gets done…

I grew up with all brothers and I think I heard every excuse in the book for not doing things but that didn’t make it go away – ultimately, they had to do the work… excuses weren’t accepted by my parents…action was accepted at my house

Friends don’t make excuses for things you know that need to be done. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today… don’t prolong the pain by waiting… If getting things done now would be a help to you… get to it… You have the power to make changes – that you choose to make – so don’t waste your valuable 84,400 seconds today – times a wasting… get to it

I love this next idea to choose to motivate not manipulate… isn’t that funny that those words are so close in concept and worlds apart in action. I’ve always thought it is a silly idea that someone else can motivate you to action… and I say that as a motivational teacher and trainer. But what I know is that I can lay the idea before you to learn to live your best life ever… but until you can see your new future you won’t pick up the baton and run.

Motivation speakers are great in the moment but what happens when the lights come on and you walk out of the conference to your current situation… that’s where the rubber meets the road…so you have to find your spark of motivation that moves you…

Now let’s take a detour and talk about manipulation…for the record that’s not a good idea – in fact it’s psycho – nobody should be manipulated into doing things that are not right… when that happens if you can by all means possible you need to extract yourself and get away from those types of people… their damaged, it is not healthy, it is selfish and mean and you don’t have to put up with it… remember you can choose to walk away…and some of you should – and you know it…it is easier to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone

Understanding that it will not always be easy but if it is the right thing for you to do… then walk away… manipulation is evil in my opinion and has no place in a healthy relationship.

Choose to be useful and not used.

So many good people need a helping hand this time of year and you just might be the right person at the right time to be useful. To be kind, helpful, generous, good… there is no better feeling then when you know you were useful, and it was a blessing…

So, the other side of that coin is to be careful that you are not used… that you don’t let others take advantage of you or your good will. And friend only you can make that determination

The line of the thought for the day is chose to excel and not compete. Excel doing your best – against yourself… setting your own bar and jumping over it… setting your own time and surpassing it – setting your own direction and accomplishing it…that is so much better in your personal life than competing… now I understand in business it is a competition but in your personal life stop competing with your brother and sisters for attention, stop competing with your friends to prove your self-worth, stop competing with everyone else to show off or to show that you’ve made it – most don’t care and never considered themselves in the race with you to begin with (hard I know… we seem to think that everyone is running against us…)

I have friends in the speaking business who think they are competing with me for speaking jobs – but I’ve got to tell you – I don’t waste a minute worrying about their ability next to mine… I work hard, do good work, and don’t worry about the others… I’m not in a competition – except against myself to be better, to reach a larger audience, to work to make sure my words match my message…

Chose to excel and not compete – you don’t need to compare yourself to others – they don’t have what you have – they don’t know where you’re going, and you don’t need to waste time worrying about them… let them worry about you!I love that meme online that says keep hustling till your haters ask if you’re hiring

My favorite line is by Zig Ziglar who said – the only taste of success some people ever have is when they take a bite out of you!

Another one I like is the one that says when people ask me what I do? I answer whatever it takes…

And to that point I encourage you to choose self-esteem not self-pity – friends the Bible clearly states that you are fearfully and wonderfully made so I have to ask – why are you standing in the shadow when you were made to stand in the light…

Self-esteem is the one issue I deal with people on so much when I am on the road speaking – I have never seen so many damaged, hurting, broken people like I’m seeing nowadays…and part of it is they spend so much time competing against others who don’t even consider them a challenge — they are fighting windmills all by themselves… and that is exhausting work and shocking when they realize no one – and I mean no one was watching…

Self-esteem – comes from ones understanding of their self-worth – their core, their being… The idea of self-pity to me is repugnant, exhausting, and ridiculous – and most people won’t even give it the time of day…(and nor should they) self-pity is a waste of energy for you and everyone you come in contact with…we are not a society that recognizes or engages with those who sit around and have self-pity – we move on and find someone else to do the job (which really causes the pitiful one to be even more upset…but by their own doing…)

Hear me please – Don’t do it – self-pity is not becoming, it’s not professional, it’s not for you… you have so much to be thankful for that engaging in sad sack sorry behavior is beneath you (and trust me no one is impressed)

Okay I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others…. Wow – if I could – that would be my holiday wish for you… listen to your gut, listen to your inner core, your good voice inside your head that says, You’re amazing, you’re a rock star, you’re wonderful, good, kind, loving, smart, all those good things is who you are… IF YOU choose to be…

Now I know that some folks will want to tell you something for your own good this holiday season – listen, smile, reject… if the information is not being given with the right intention… and you’ll know it hear me friend –  reject their pompous self-importance… don’t waste your time with them they don’t deserve you…

Smart aleck comments to – put you in your place – are given by weak, self-absorbed unimportant people – don’t listen…remember deep inside they are talking about themselves and not to you…

Spend your time on those that love you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those that only love you when the conditions are right for them.

Comments about your weight, your house, your cooking, your car, your clothing, and your kids…. You know the drill – don’t listen… those words are meant to hurt and not help… if they were to help – they’d be your walking partner, your house cleaner, your dish washer, your car mechanic, your personal shopper or babysitter…random opinion from others don’t mean a thing…unless they are said by those who love you and truly have your best in mind – and your spirit, and heart will decern and know the difference….

Carefully weigh the words by others – and remember

I choose                                                          

To live by choice, not by chance;

To make changes, not excuses;

To be motived, not manipulated;

To be useful, not used;

To excel, not compete;

I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.

I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinion of others…(who don’t have your best interest at heart)

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. – Bob Moawad

Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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