Recently, I was speaking at a conference, and during the break, a member of the audience approached me. She pulled me aside and wanted to tell me about her horrible, no good, very bad day/life. I must admit I was a bit taken aback. I was also distressed by her delight in telling me how she could recount every mean word someone had said to her about her. How her friends disappointed her, how no one gave her a fair deal, and how the whole world was terrible, it was all focused on her. Even positive me wanted to yell at her and say, “Are you kidding me, lady? You got to get over it and stay over it and I mean it.”
Don’t you find it odd that so many times, people will put their burdens down at a conference or weekend retreat, rest a while, and get charged up to do good in the world? But then, it is like the sky turns from blue to gray, and they pick up that heavy burden, hoist it back onto their shoulders, and continue to carry it around, continuing to complain to anybody who will listen about their horrible, no-good, very bad life.
I know it is hard to get over things that hurt you. I get it, we’ve all been hurt, and we think if we hang onto that pain, it will hurt them (the one who hurt you) but of course, as you well know that doesn’t happen because they don’t care. 9 out of 10 times they’ve moved on and 10 out of 10 times you still mean nothing to them… so why are you carrying the burden around? Listen, I hope you find a new direction and I hope you do this for the chance to grow and change, and for goodness’ sake don’t pick the burden back up. Don’t go back to your old ways. You’ve been doing that for years and it’s gotten you nowhere.
For fun, I went online and looked up ‘how to change a habit,’ and I got about 19,000 results. Folks, that’s a lot of ways to change a habit. I’m sure one of them will work for you, but for today, I just want to tell you that I can make it really simple for you if you trust me and believe that sometimes you have to get over it and stay over it.
When you do that, you will free yourself to climb higher and see new visions for your amazing life. So, listen next time you want to reach for your exquisite pain because you’re having a bad day, and we know that happens, but the problem is you cannot keep reaching for your exquisite pain and holding on to it and refusing to let it go. That is not healing… that is keeping a wound open and it will continue to hurt you. You are in control… hear me — you’re in control of your life. The one thing you can control is your thoughts. You may not be able to control a lot of things in your life, but you can control how you think not only about others but also about yourself. Hear me as your friend, get over it and stay over it, and quit picking it back up when you’re feeling sorry and lonely and sad. Why? Well for one reason, we’re tired of it, we love you, and we’re still tired of it. Why? Because we see more for you, we see more for you than you hanging on and whining your life away. So, get going… let go and get over it stay over it and we’ll all be happier.
In my book Speak Without Fear, I tell the story of the housekeeper we had growing up. Her name was Annabelle. I loved Annabelle – she was family. She was with me all my growing-up years. Annabelle would give me these little sayings… little quotes… little asides. Although she worked for the family – I was the youngest and the only girl and we had a bond, we had a very special bond. I loved her very much and I can remember one time, I don’t know, something that happened at school and I was really unhappy and didn’t go my way and I was bellyaching about it and Annabelle came up to me, and quietly said, “now Miss Deb sometimes you just got to leave it at the river.” I wanted to tell you that story because I think it’s important that we listen. After all, we all struggle but then we have to get through it. My story in the book is for those who need to leave it at the river.
I grew up in the South a gift for which I am forever grateful, in the South, we eat family dinners, go to church on Sunday, we don’t wear white after Labor Day come on people abide by the rules, and in that mix of Southern culture, I was blessed with a friend named Annabelle. She had a way of saying things… just a little bit of wisdom she would offer not only when I was a kid but later in my distressful teenage years and she would say to me, “Now Miss Deb sometimes you just gotta leave it at the river and don’t pick it up again.” That missive stuck with me through childhood and now adulthood and I can still hear her saying that phrase. I can tell you how she would say it to me. She combined her wise words with a little hum. She used to hum when she spoke. “Hum Miss Deb you gotta leave to leave it at the river and don’t pick it up again.”
So, when I’m burdened or stressed because life is tough, and the life of a speaker isn’t always easy. I realize that sometimes there are things I can’t do anything about – like flights that don’t take off so now I have to spend another night in Atlanta or Charlotte. Or I drive home at midnight. I have to do what Annabelle taught me… I just got a leave it by the river. And I want to remind you if you’re carrying something you’re not meant to carry then hear me… I want you to do the same, I want you to leave it at the river.
I get that some people never had a cheering section to tell them they were special, maybe something happened in their childhood, maybe they were rocked by a divorce when they were young, and their parents split, or the death of somebody they loved. There are a billion reasons why people feel inadequate, whatever it is that takes a person to a place of perpetual self-doubt, perpetual second-guessing, and a life of perpetual fear. Friend, you’ve got to stop the spinning you need to lay that burden down and leave it at the river.
See sometimes I think if you could just find the gumption in your life (that you once had) you could do big things. But what worries me is if there’s a fire and you don’t yell “fire” in order to save lives because you’re too meek and worn down and tired and beat up to make a peep. You not only do damage to others, but you’ve also done damage to yourself and if that’s how you’re living your life you need to understand me when I say drop that burden and leave it at the river.
Being fearful comes from overthinking. When you are burdened by fear you are most likely overthinking, you’re letting your mind just wander all over the place imagining things that could happen which 10 out of 10 times never does. Being fearful comes from overthinking so those who need to leave it at the river need to reconsider their mental game for their mental health and success in their lifelong journey. Look at it this way, when you’re called to share a message, and it can be any sort of a message, don’t you dare miss that opportunity because you don’t feel good about yourself.
Seriously that little voice in the back of your head is wrong. It’s that voice that talks to you about you and says mean things about you and remember that’s you talking. You just need to cut it off and sometimes you have to literally say, I’m leaving it at the river and I’m moving forward. And the reason I say leave it at the river is because the river rises, and it washes things away. See if we left it at the creek, a creek or stream doesn’t rise that much, but a river often overflows the banks, and things get washed away.
And you need to wash your burdens away because 9 out of 10 times they are not real, you’ve overthought things, you haven’t put things in perspective and some of you are carrying burdens and you have for years and as your friend I’m here to tell you — you have got to learn to leave it at the river.
All right that’s the heart of my message for today. I don’t know how else to tell you that some of you are doing great damage to your soul, your mind, your body, and your heart and spirit because you… just want to carry it around and friend you realize the person you’re holding this grudge against does not care because they’ve moved on, they probably remarried, or they died and you’re still carrying a burden. Drop it by the river and just pray that the river rises and carries it away so you can live your best life ever. The life you were born to live, not this small life you’re currently living. I don’t believe anyone is called to live an itty-bitty life; I just don’t believe it. Not when you are 1 of 8 billion people in the world. Hear me, there’s a plan for you and you can argue with me all day long but there’s nobody like you so that tells me there’s a plan for you and your job is to figure it out, and your job is to get moving because others are watching, and I think it’s important that you remember that.
Let me close with my all-time favorite quote, it is by Zig Ziglar. I don’t know why I like this so much, but I do. I think it is because it’s true. I’ve seen it happen, and you’ve seen it happen so here we go… “Don’t be distracted by criticism remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.”
Okay, I love that. Some people’s only taste of success is when they take a bite out of you because you are successful. After all, you left it at the river.
My next quote is this, “Success is the culmination of failures mistakes false starts confusion and the determination to keep going anyway” and that’s what I want for you today. I want you to have the determination to keep going anyway i.e., get over it and stay over it because your life is bigger than the small little life you’re choosing to live. I want you to be successful, I want you to be worldwide renowned successful and I want to know that it started right here in our time together.
