Deb Sofield


Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.

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I had some interesting speaking engagements recently and it brought to mind this saying: Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.

In Pennsylvania, I was speaking to those who are planning on running for public office. I teach Your Campaign Speech and how to engage your audience to listen to your message. And in Maryland, I had the wonderful opportunity to speak at the Spouse Program for members of Congress. I must say they were both wonderful groups to spend time with and my thought for today is a direct result of what I saw that week. If you’re in public office or would like to be, if you run a corporation or would like to you if you plan to run a non-profit that can survive in these tough times, you need to learn the skills that will set you apart from others. At the top of that list is the ability to speak and be heard and seen in the quiet and the noise. Otherwise friend, you’ll never make it to the finish line in the hard race for success.

Many of the folks with whom I work discovered that success in life or politics or business is dependent on attracting what they expected, reflecting what they desired, becoming who they respected, and learning to mirror what they admired. You know, when you think about it, it’s an interesting thought that you can attract what you expect.

Everyday I expect good things. I look at the bright side, not because I am Pollyanna but because I don’t like the darkness of negativity. By changing myself to be more positive (even when I don’t feel like it) or to perhaps be more kind than feel, I have reaped rewards. Rewards such as being around people who also expect great things with a positive bent to be better, stronger, kinder than perhaps our natural nature would provide. Change is good – hard but good for most of us.

If you were to attract what you expect what would happen? I think it goes to the heart of expectation. What great or small expectation do you have for yourself or for others?

How do you see yourself – not your glorified ego self but really your true self – you know the one that shows up when you’re doing nothing or in your spare time or when you least expect it – because if you see yourself as a helper, healer, or hero – you become that and more…

I believe that by making a personal list of expectations that are reasonable and doable (in a structured time frame) it is a good thing since it can serve as a guidepost to your personal success whatever that may look like. It’s the plan you can follow through sunshine and stormy weather.

Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.

Not only will you attract what you expect – the good news is in parallel with your expectation comes the realization that you and I will reflect what we desire.

When you have visual or mental or physical goal in mind it is much easier to reach. Now how does one reflect what they desire – there are all sorts of ways. It can be by how you dress or what car you drive or where you live. There is an old adage in politics to get where you want to go – office wise – dress the part. Because once you begin to reflect what you desire – for some strange reason the stars align and you’ll be able to step up into the place, office or position you worked for. It’s easy to see that if you start to dress like the CEO or golf pro or fashionista you’ll start to see yourself in that position and others will take notice of the new you.

When you have a heart for your work or place of worship or even your favorite charity it becomes you and people will start to see you in that light of leadership.

So, if we attract what we expect and then reflect what we desire – the old saying says you’ll become what you respect….

So, I have to ask whom do you respect? I love that word Respect and am disappointed that it seems to have lost its luster in today’s ego driven world. Thank goodness Aretha Franklin keeps it alive.

Respect is such a wonderful thing because it sets the bar high. I have great respect for some in public office because I know their heart; I also respect a few leaders in ministry because I am challenged by their message and there are some in business who by being honest and fair have my respect. I have respect for many in leadership primarily because of the position and maybe not the person who sits in the seat at the time, but the position is worthy of respect.

We try to teach our kids to respect their elders and be kind to their siblings because if you’re going to become what you respect we need to set the bar as high as we can and encourage those we love and mentor to reach and exceed it.

How do you become what you respect – I believe the foundation is you must be an honest person one who keeps their word – even if it costs you money, time, business, or friends. To be known as honest and fair is the most respectful accolade that you could ever receive.

You know I believe that generosity, manners, diplomacy, goodness, fairness, and kindness is born of respect for others – including animals.

Respecting yourself enough to keep you in good stead with your family and friends and community…is a worthy goal.

I always find it interesting that somehow we all seem to know the person who cheats or steals or lies – and were many times not shaken because that is what we have come to expect from that person – simply because 1. They don’t respect themselves so keeping their word is of no use 2. We don’t respect them because we know them… and rarely will a leopard change his spots. When you lose the respect of others it is very hard to get that back. So, your best bet is to pay attention, repair repairable mistakes, ask forgiveness, pay that debt you owe and clean up your act now and do right…

Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect; you’ll mirror what you admire.

“Mirror what you admire”. Wow I love that.

If you admire good manners – mirror them by learning what fork to use in social settings.

If you admire intelligent conversation – pick up a book and start to read and listen to well-known thought leaders or learn from those great souls of yesteryear.

If you admire those who keep themselves up and are healthy – push away from the table and get yourself to the gym – APC can turn your roly-poly into a rock – then you’ll be strong and feel great…

If you admire those who can sing or dance or paint or speak – get going on your practice (it doesn’t happen overnight)

If you’re going to mirror what you admire you have some work to do – but the good news is… since you now notice what you need it will make the journey so much easier.

For your success – I encourage you to: Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.

Deb Sofield

Deb Sofield is a Keynote Speaker, Author of the book, Speak without Fear – Rock Star Presentation Skills to get People to Hear What You Say and Encouragement For Your Life ~ Tough Love Memos to Help You Fight Your Battles and Change the World, Radio Talk Show Host in the Salem Network, Podcaster and President of her own Executive Speech Coaching Co., which trains women and men for success in speaking, crisis communications, presentation skills, media and message development in the U.S. and abroad.

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