A few weeks ago, I was back at the beach, which is my favorite place, and I was sitting in my beach chair reading a book, watching the waves, and chatting with a few folks who were walking up and down the beach, suddenly when I looked up there were three crabs who came out to look at me. I will admit they were cute, they looked at me and then they would scamper sideways to and fro, to pick up a piece of wood or shell or a random potato chip for their home and then they’d disappear and a minute later they pop back out again. What was so funny for me was that they would almost venture to the shoreline and then hightail it back up to their little hole on the sand. When a wave hit the sand, the crabs would hide, half of their little bodies in their sand hole the other half looking at me. I guess they figured I had more potato chips. It reminded me how people lived their lives, half in, half out, never settling on anything, frankly, after a while it was exhausting for me to watch the crabs run back and forth, back and forth, back and forth accomplishing very little since they couldn’t commit to doing anything.
They weren’t looking for food full time, they weren’t picking up shells and they weren’t staying in their little sand holes. Funny, I hear the same stories everywhere I travel about how things didn’t work out so I’ll hide in the sand, or how they weren’t recognized for all the work they did, of course, they never let anybody know they were the force behind the event and now their feelings are hurt, so they will hide in the sand, how someone could be so mean to them after all they had done for others, you guessed it – they’ll just hide in the sand… you get the picture
Half in half out is never going to be a successful way to live and as hard as it is some of you need to commit to being all in 100% no questions asked. No half in half out because it doesn’t work. I know it’s not easy to commit to something and stay with it to the very end, but friend what choice do you have if you plan on being successful? Being half in and half out is not going to produce what you’re hoping it does. So, I want you to think about that as you’re looking and evaluating your next project. Or you’re in a relationship and between the two of you – neither of you will make a decision. Or you’ve got a friend who’s pushing you in the wrong direction. Come on sometimes you got to be all in or you’re going to be like the little crabs running up and down the beach going nowhere or you’re going to end up being somebody’s lunch. Let me just remind you of our word for the day – resilience – the ability to stick with it through thick and thin that is what is going to take for you to be Rockstar amazing.
Resilience is my topic today, and it reminds me of the crabs on the beach. Those little fellas just couldn’t make a decision, and ultimately, it was going to hurt them when somebody came by and caught the little crabs for dinner or bait.
I know we’re nearing the holiday season, but before we wind it down, I want to remind you that when it comes to resilience, you need to keep going until the end of the year, even when you don’t feel like it.
Resilience is familiar to most of us but fighting through and finishing a job can be daunting even on a good day. I always joke that I learned that concept of resilience at a young age because I have a bunch of brothers and all their friends were always at my house, so I was outnumbered and outmanned so to speak, but I was taught that resilient people survive and thrive. Dr.
Kerry J. Sulkowicz, a psychoanalyst and the founder of the Boswell group says, “Resilience is the ability to bounce back in tough times.” Many folks consider this a key component of emotional health – to be able to bounce back.
Resilient people have the ability to see in hardships the seeds of opportunity, as with personality traits the roots of resilience usually are developed in childhood however, the good news is anyone can learn to build resilience even in adulthood. That being said, there is no shortcut to emotional health you don’t just become resilient overnight or by sheer will or by reading the latest book on the topic.
Resilience is acquired through self-awareness and here’s how you do it. You need to connect with trusted friends who will build your confidence, you need to repeatedly expose yourself to a range of difficult circumstances and then overcome them. Now don’t put yourself out there too far because I want you to be successful the first time and then the next time you can be a little tougher on yourself.
I believe that so many of this generation need to do what I tell a lot of my clients, you have to learn to do it afraid. Do it afraid and the resilience will come and then you can build your courage. Napoleon Hill, the father of the self-help movement is famous for saying, whatever the mind of a man or woman can conceive and believe he can achieve. So, as you start the slowing of your life, job, and business as we come into the season of Thanksgiving that’s followed by the blessing of Christmas, let’s keep on keeping on until we ring in the New Year, because now is not the time to stop, now is not the time to restart something that should come to a natural end. What I want you to understand is that you have to build resilience within yourself and sometimes that means stepping out on faith and sometimes that means you’re going to do it afraid, but here’s what I want you to trust… I want you to trust that when you take the next step the path will be there.
Some of you are so afraid to step out of the darkness and into the light that you don’t think there will be anything to hold you up. I believe you’re wrong. I believe you’ve got enough friends and family and people who believe in you and your inner core that says I can do this, and I will. That’s the ultimate foundation of resilience and I want you to be resilient in your life and your relationships as you move forward into this New Year.
I have a tip of the week and it’s from Jim Rohn, I love this guy, but he has now passed on. Jim Rohn was an excellent speaker and teacher, and he took complex ideas and made them simple so we could understand them. If you ever find a book by Jim Rohn, I strongly encourage you to buy it. Here’s what Jim says, “it’s not what happens that determines the major part of your future it’s not what happens… what happens, happens to all of us, the key is what you do about it.”
The key is what you do about it. As I travel and speak to all types of groups I see that so many people have come to a stop in their life, at any age, they stop because they’re worried and then you say well what are you worried about and it just comes bubbling out of them that they’re worried about life and death and kids and parents and money and health and wrinkles – they worried about everything. They’re worried about things that happen and things that won’t.
I can’t tell you how many times I sit people down and tell them to stop, stop worrying about everything. Stop worrying about making mistakes it is not that big of a deal everybody makes mistakes and we’re still here; it’s not the end of the world.
What concerns me is that so many of you live such a quiet, secure life that you don’t venture anywhere exciting. Too many people live in fear so they don’t take the step to do something big or small, they are afraid and when you say, “What are you afraid of?” they can’t tell you. So, friends, if it’s internal, if it’s something negative you’ve heard all your life, get some help because living a small fearful life is not why you were put on this planet. Remember you need to trust yourself and understand and believe that you can do it even if you do it afraid.
I admit sometimes I just want to shake people and tell them they’re not living the life that they were born to live because they live in fear. They live in fear because somebody on the outside who usually doesn’t care about them has said snarky things, the little comments that hurt and it play in their head. Friends, it could be a bust or a boom, the fact is unless you take that step in the direction of your dreams you will never know.
I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Helen Keller, she says this, “Security is mostly a superstition it doesn’t exist in nature life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” She’s right security does not exist in nature, so your life should be a daring adventure because some of you are going to roll into the end of it and there will be nothing left and that’s not good. I want you to live a big life because there are 8 billion people and there’s no one like you. Why don’t you have the resilience to fight through all the fear, all the worry, all the stuff that people say to you and live your best life ever? Have you ever wondered why? You might want to start thinking about it.
Don’t be like the little crabs on the shore half in and half out. Get out there and let the waves hit you and carry you away… it could be somewhere exciting and you’ll be glad you left the shore.
Alright, that’s my show this week, first Deb loves the beach, Deb loves that quote, and Deb wants you to get going in life… Why? Because I care about you, and I know you could be doing more than you’re doing because you’re living a small life and that’s not acceptable because you were born to live big. I want you to be successful, I think the world is a better place when we’re all headed in the right direction.
